Want Earbuds With That?

Marketers are forever combining products, free gifts and packages in an attempt to make their brand more attractive to consumers and to (insert buzzword here) "add value".

This example of a value-added promotion, now available at Target stores nationwide, is one example of a marketer that, in my opinion, clearly missed the target. Pun intended. Free earbuds with facewash purchase? These two items have about as much in common as the political leanings of my family vs. my in-laws. ;) Also, how exactly is a person supposed to use said free earbuds while washing one's face? That would be one nifty trick!!! As the Consumerist pointed out, this may be where all the old free JetBlue earphones are going. Smart thinking guys! It's always good to recycle.

I can see that the users of Neutrogena's oil-free face wash may indeed be the same target audience as the iPod generation, but pairing el-cheapo earbuds combined with facewash? Because surely the free ones that come with your face wash are SO much better than the ones that come with your iPod...

Here's an option B for you marketers out there: How about free iTunes downloads or a gift card instead of the earbuds? I bet the packaging for that is easier on the eyes as well!

Come on marketers, you can do better. Promotion Grade: FAIL. Except for the fact that it did make me giggle through my lunch.

I Can Haz Writers Block? Inexpensive Cures

There is nothing quite like the combination of a seemingly never-ending cold, a horribly depressing news cycle and a spending two months coding an e-commerce website (when you typically spend that time working on marketing projects) to sap all the creativity out of a girl faster than my cat sneaks out the front door.

When the world is getting me down, I remember how fortunate I am to have things so many others are struggling with in these days: work in my field, a house with fixed-rate mortgage, a healthy family, and luckily considering my appendicitis attack earlier this year, health insurance. Historically, times of great economic stress, such as the Great Depression provided the world with an outpouring of arguably some of the best art, film, and literature we had seen. The same thing is happening today. People may be cutting their spending on eating out, but they still are going to movies in record breaking numbers. Essentially, in crisis, people look for beauty and escape to get them through the reality of their everyday.

What cheap-ish thrills get my creative engine going again when I am feeling zapped?
1. For me, the answer is first and foremost always books. If your shelves are falling over like mine, I highly recommend a swap site like Bookins, which lets you send books to other people for free and get new books for $4 in postage. Don't forget, libraries are free, and Borders does not charge a "browsing fee."

2. Music: Thank heaven for Music Swapping Sites, iTunes and community radio (88.5 Radio-Active Tampa!) and cheap local shows. While I love music with a passion, I am lucky in that my husband "J" does the heavy lifting, providing me with a constant stream of new music and dragging me to shows even on the days I don't feel like going out. Concerts don't always have to cost $60. Check your local papers and community radio stations for free shows and low-cost options. It's always a better story to say "I saw them at a bar with 50 people before they were famous" anyway. J has LOTS of those stories.

3. Humor: No shocker here, besides beautiful films, I am drawn to the absurd and humorous in television and film when down. Cheap(ish) thrills- NetFlix, basic cable and our trusty DVR filled with the Daily Show and Colbert Report from the previous evening, since I am a nerd and go to sleep by 10pm. That being said, I will close with this clip from last week's SNL, which had me in tears of laughter, despite a fever. Warning: it is advisable to use the potty before viewing.

Each to It's Own Purpose, Everything in It's Right Place

Lately they seem to be crawling out of the woodwork. "They" being old friends from my past. People I haven't spoken to or thought of in over ten years at the minimum. I moved across the country after graduating college, and I am definitely not the best person at keeping in touch via phone. Ask my best friends, including the ones in town. :)

With each connection, a new memory is ignited. Riding bikes down the street as a child, being chased by my friend's little brother. Sleepovers and riding my bike to the pool. Dance routines and being scared to death of Nightmare on Elm Street. Fast forward... driving around with my friends looking for stuff to do, U2 blaring. Biology lab, Homecoming, English class, walking to school, parties, crushes and spring break in Cancun. Fast forward again... autumn leaves, red brick, libraries, rushing, and disco dancing at 11am before a football game in full costume, more than a little tailgating tipsy. More dances and parties, and some dancing on tables...I think.

Why this sudden reconnection with the past? Social networks, of course. LinkedIn is great for the professional world, networking with current and former colleagues, highlighting your talents, link building, and in my husbands case, finding good job candidates. I use FriendFeed much the way I used to Twitter (although I just can't seem to quit you)- to stay on top of the the latest and greatest from those early adopters and techies I don't quite know, yet love. More linkbait there. I still use social bookmarking sites occasionally.. to bookmark. (Del.icio.us I'm looking at you). My husband uses MySpace in his avid, continual hunt for the latest band that doesn't exist yet. However, I am busier these days, and less promiscuous in my tendency to jump on the latest network bandwagon. Case in point: I lasted on Plurk exactly one day.

Networks are only as strong as their user base. Most people I know in real life are not the FriendFeed type. This may be because I live in Tampa, not the Silicon Valley. When I talk about Twittering, they think I am talking dirty. I use these tools each for their specific purposes. But Facebook... to me you are a tool for professional networking, as well as a window into my life both past and present, ages 6 and up.

Marketing Analysis...a Day in the Life

"Is the sun yellow?"

"How yellow is the sun?"

"What metics do we have for measuring the level of yellow?"

"How frequently are they measured?"

"On line 47, of spreadsheet 672, it says the sun is yellow. When you subtract the CM and K values, you are left with the value of absolute Y. Y is measured weekly, monthly and by the nanosecond."

"Well, what are your plans for keeping the sun yellow?"

Weekend in Nerdland

iPhone 3G launch last Friday! I don't need Miss Cleo's crystal ball or even a glance at Google Trends today to know that the iPhone was a top search item Friday. Fanboy mania...lines, download issues, and dominant stories on all the standard issue tech blogs for days.

I don't have an iPhone, and neither does my husband, although I think they are tan-fastic. We are Verizon customers (don't get me started), and we are not ready to change networks. Also, we live in cowville (ie Mid-Market USA), which means that 3G does not apply to us yet. Which also may explain why he has such a hard time recruiting for all those UMTS positions at AT&T and can only find qualified Europeans to work on 3G.

Still, the iPhone craze affected us, as my husband spent the better part of Saturday morning downloading all the new software for his iPod Touch. Upon completing, he literally made me sit down to tour all the new programs (Twitteriffic, yay!), including virtual beer. He was, understandably, highly distracted at dinner that night. There was a new, improved toy at the table!!! Much awesomeness!!!

I avoided the interwebs Sunday but continued to sift through more blog posts Monday, dissecting what Apple did wrong. Why another product launch with the same issues? Will their fan base continue to put up with this clear lack of attention to detail?

J and I are not even the Apple fan base in the truest sense. Yet I spent the better part of a weekend in Nerdland, reading blogs, watching iPhone shows, and of course sitting down to watch "virtual beer." The launch could have gone smoother, but when it comes to total product devotion, I think Apple is on to something. Why else do they call it the Jesus Phone?

Clinique and Macys... UR Doin' It Wrong

At the end of a long day at work last week, I stopped near a mall to pick up some dinner. I had time to kill before it was ready. He needed his facial soap. I bravely told him I would kill two birds with one stone and stop by the Clinque counter on my way to pick up dinner.

I HATE malls. Anyone who knows me knows I am a rabid online shopper, and will purchase things most people buy in stores online. Lipstick, clothes, shoes, perfume? I'll buy it online...anything to avoid mall crowds and the dreaded sales assistant. In my opinion, shopping, particularly for luxury items, should be a pleasant, uplifting experience. Why then is it the business model of most cosmetics counters to make you feel bad about yourself so you purchase more? Unfortunately, this encounter was to be no different.

I approach the counter, swing past the Sales Assistant's saying "No thanks, I don't need help," grab the soap from the open display and head to the counter to pay. Times are tough, and the sales assistants start pushing. I am told if I purchase something else, I will get some free goodies. "Thanks, but, I don't really need anything, else" I asserted.

"Well, have you seen this product?" It removes all blotchiness, redness, acne spots and freckles and would be perfect for you. You just apply under sunscreen and moisturizer," said the sales assistant. "You really need sunscreen." The aforementioned sales assistant has the permanently-surprised expression of the recently Botoxed and is wearing two shades of lipstick, contrasting lip liner, and three shades of eye shadow.

Did the crazy-eye lady just indirectly tell me I have blotchy, red, freakishly pale skin? OK, I do live under florescent lights. But all I wanted to buy was some soap. It's not exactly as though I was having a high self-esteem moment before this happened. However, as I politely said no thank you and left the store with my purchase, I became irritated at the experience, to say the very least.

Clinique (and large retail outlets everywhere) take note: you are doing your customers a disservice by trying to push products in this insulting fashion. Consumers today are more educated, savvy and service-oriented then ever before. Even if it sells one more product that day, I doubt this way of doing business is helping you in the long-run. I do know that should I need a "lightening skin product" in the future, after this experience I won't be purchasing it from Clinique.

Retail outlets- How are you training your sales assistants? Do you try and make every shopping experience a pleasant one for the customer? Product recommendations can be done MUCH more tactfully and less desperately than by insulting the customer. Something along the lines of "Have you heard about our newest product?" might have been a nicer intro.

One thing I do know is this: the next time I pick up my husbands soap, I am going to Nordstrom. Their sales assistants never tell me my skin is bad and always give me free goodies, no matter what. Perhaps the other department stores could learn a thing or two from this business model.

SkyMall...The Ultimate Adventure

Ah SkyMall, the beacon of American Consumer Capitalism at it's finest! Where else can you find the world's largest crossword puzzle and a GPS tracking system for your dog in the same place? On a recent business trip, giggling to myself while I pored over this little gem, I pondered if their copywriters were:

A: Drunk
B: Having WAY too much fun
C: Previous mental patients
D: All of the Above

If you were the poor soul sitting behind me and "J", our director of sales, your probably heard something like this:

"Oh my goodness, I have always needed an upside down tomato garden!"

"We really should get this two-foot garden yeti for the office lawn...

"Look, a little vest for your dog with "cooling action" so he doesn't get too hot! so perfect for the beach..."

"Remember the gazing ball from your parents front lawn... um no, what the hell is a gazing ball?" "Is this a southern thing J?" "Yes."

"Hey, this one is really quite good. A dog crate that looks like a really nice coffee table!"

"I so need these... clip-on shoes to aerate your lawn while you walk." J: "I'll raise you one. They should make those for the dog!"... Queue hysterical laughter and strange looks from boss seated across the aisle.

On your next flight, pick up a copy and discover all the items you never knew you needed, and probably don't. Like Slankets. Although I do want one of those.